we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
