You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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