Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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