the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
