yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
