I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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