whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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