who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize