I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
