he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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