CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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