between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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