new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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