If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
