Jerry, you need to find god
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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