if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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