The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
