He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
