you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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