just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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