i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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