I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
