Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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