once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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