I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
