Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
