Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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