I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
