I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
