well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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