even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
