I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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