apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
