The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
