Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
