I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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