"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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