What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
