Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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