Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
