I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
