Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
