So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my liver is dry heaving
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
