Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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