Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
