oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
