Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
