Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
