I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
