I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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