awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
