if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
