everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
