and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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