It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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